


brittany s. pierce isn't even in charge of the door

by andthatshowsuecsit



Category: Glee
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bizzare Use Of Katy Perry Song "Peacock", Crack, Crossover, Gen, Katy Perry - Freeform, head bitch kurt hummel, the most popular girls in school - Freeform, this is really stupid oops, tmpgis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 07:39:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14100567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andthatshowsuecsit/pseuds/andthatshowsuecsit
Summary: the entirety of the iconic "ashley katchadourian isn't even in charge of the door"/ "who the fuck are YOU" scene from tmpgis(the most popular girls in school), but with glee characters and riveting written descriptions. aka new student blaine has a verbal showdown with the head bitch of mckinley, kurt hummel.





	brittany s. pierce isn't even in charge of the door

**Author's Note:**

> here is the scene from tmpgis this was based off if you want to watch before, starts at 0:20 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-STtD96doeo&list=PLRSqsdLWvPHlkkV1oKjFtnGooMNZbfBaz

Blaine had just transferred to Mckinley High School, and already he was slaying all these basic ass hoes. He needed to christen the school with his personal ritual of singing a Katy Perry hit song, but he was still searching for the choir room. Finally, he spotted a classroom with a glittery pink poster proclaiming “GLEE CLUB” on the door, which was being fiercely guarded by a blonde cheerleader holding...a cat?!. This school was getting weirder by the minute...he had already witnessed the cheerleading coach storm through the hallways in a rage and start cutting the hair of some guy in a ponytail after a bizarre insulting session with some curly haired man in a vest. Luckily, the strange girl at the door let him in after he complimented her cat, which she insisted on referring to as her “pussy pal”.

Blaine was greeted by the sight of a tall, obviously gay(and quite attractive) man and a black woman exchanging gossip by the piano. As he shut the door, they both looked up in shock. “Um… excuse me?” the man said, while the girl just offered a timid “hello?”. Why were they so scandalized by his presence? “What?” he said, as he walked towards them. “Who the fuck are you?” the man said. Who does that guy think he is? “Who the fuck are YOU?” “I asked you first.” “I asked you second,” he replied. If this guy was going to start a fight, he’d better fucking bring it, because Blaine was the KING of pettiness and drama. However, instead of said guy answering, it was the girl that responded to him. “Uh, um, he’s Kurt Hummel. Head cheerio, prom queen, part-time fashion designer!” she gushed. Blaine raised an eyebrow. “Oh.” Looks like this Kurt Hummel was hot shit at Mckinley. Kurt seemed quite frustrated as he once again asked, “Who the fuck are you?!” Well, he guessed he might as well tell him. “I’m Blaine, I’m new”. “Who the fuck let you in here?” What? “Brittany.”, he replied. “Brittany who?” There were multiple Brittanys in this tiny school? “Brittany S. Pierce.” This caused Kurt’s friend to start rapidly muttering under her breath “Brittany S. Pierce isn’t even in charge of the door…” Kurt spoke up, saying “So Blaine, let me tell you how things work around here-” Ok, this bitch is going DOWN. “I already know how things work around here,” he fired back. Meanwhile, the girl continued to rant about the door-girl- “Brittany S. Pierce is in charge of the snacks! Why is she letting people inside of the door?! “ Kurt Hummel looked at him with resentment, and started bitching him out. “This is my choir room. This is my glee club. And this is me telling you that you need to learn your place.” Well guess what, Kurt Hummel? “Guess what? I already know all those things”. Kurt laughed. “Oh really?” He thought this was a fucking joke, did he? “Yeah.” “Tina Cohen-Chang is in charge of the door! What the fuck is she doing letting Brittany S. Pierce let people in?” Kurt’s friend finally wandered out of the room amidst her deep thoughts on the door-woman. Kurt took advantage of the extra space to walk right up in front of him and ask, “You’re not from around here are you Blaine?” Well that was perceptive. “I just transferred from Dalton.” “Where the fuck is that?” “North of Westerville, west of the 26.” Once again, Kurt looked offended, and said “Well, let me tell you how things work around here in Lima Heights Adjacent!” But Blaine was not phased. “I already know how things work around here in Lima Heights Adjacent!” “Really?” Kurt looked surprised. “Yeah, Sam Evans told me all about it.” This caused Kurt to turn red, and shriek “What the fuck are you doing talking to Sam Evans?!” Success. “We have Spanish together.” “That’s my fucking boyfriend, bitch!”, Kurt yelled. Oh, he was so in for it. Blaine had already learned some Mckinley gossip from some girl called Rachel Berry, and he was about to throw that right back in Kurt’s face. “Oh really?”, he raised an eyebrow dramatically, “That’s not what Rachel Berry said.” “Well, Rachel Berry is a fucking liar!” Kurt retorted. “She seemed to know a lot about you and Finn Hudson.”, he said, trailing off at the end. “Okay, Blaine, just what the fuck do you want?” Kurt said while sighing. He couldn’t believe it! Kurt was now making an offer to him?! It was the perfect opportunity for him to perform his ritual, and maybe even more. He put his hand on his chin, looking deep in thought. “Hmmm...I want...to sing Katy Perry here. Whenever I want… for as long as I want.” Kurt sighed yet again. “Fine. But know this. I do not like you.” Damn. “I feel indifferent towards you”. Kurt turned to walk away, saying “I’ll be watching you…” Well, Blaine was going to sing now. He went towards the speaker, cranked up the volume, and started blasting “Peacock”, one of his favorite songs to twerk to. “Owned. Have fun listening to Katy, bitches!” he yelled, as students began to walk by the choir room. Day 1 and he had already out-bitched who seemed to be Mckinley’s top bitch. Blaine knew that by the time the semester ended, that title would be his. No one is a better bitch than Blaine Devon Anderson.


End file.
